Thursday, April 8, 2010

Visiting elders

I'm at it again. Here is a column of mine the Salisbury Post printed today. Hope you find it helpful. Please pass it on if you have a chance.

The last time I wrote a column for the Salisbury Post, the subject was our elders and how much we can learn from them. People say small-town newspapers aren't being read. Well, I can tell you the Salisbury Post is alive and well, and well read. So many people commented on the column and how they should or would do better at visiting their elders. A number commented that they didn't know how to visit or what to say. If there's that much interest in visiting our elders, then by all means let's talk about how to do that.

First, you have to identify your quarry. Elders are not generally elusive and are easily located. The best place to look is in your own family, or right next door. You may have an older family member or a next-door neighbor who'd be happy to have some company. The better you know someone, the easier it is to visit with them. Fellow church members are another ripe source of elders. Again, you have a connection that helps open the door.

Nursing homes and assisted living facilities are a gold mine of visiting opportunities. You'll find six or 90 or 120 elders living in one place, and almost every one is happy to have you visit. If you know a person who lives in one of our fine local facilities, go visit. You'll probably have to sign in at the entrance, as safety is a concern for children, elders and the rest of us.What if you don't know anyone at a local nursing or assisted living facility, but would like to volunteer to visit a person who lives there? Becoming a volunteer is slightly more complicated, but for the sake of our elders, don't let that stop you. My friend and colleague Bill Johnson is the administrator at the Lutheran Home at Trinity Oaks. He encourages as many one-on-one visitors as possible to keep elders tied in to the community and the community tied in to its nursing facility.

Like many other organizations, the Lutheran Home requires volunteers to submit to a background check and complete an orientation program as a common-sense security precaution. While this is a bit inconvenient, nothing is more important than the safety of our elders. Most nursing and assisted living facilities will have their own security requirements. Call or visit to find out what those are. Now, we are in the place the person calls home, whether a house or a nursing home. What do we talk about? The late Chaplain J.L. Peeler is one of those people who could be the poster person for how to visit a resident. We can learn from him, and you don't have to be a chaplain. He picked a Bible verse for the day, went in and visited, read the Bible verse, said a prayer, then moved on to the next resident. He did this whether the resident responded or not.

We never really know how much a person knows or hears. Even if the person is unresponsive, and these children of God are the most difficult to visit, they may be hearing every word you say. Your words will bring hope and comfort.Another tack is to bring the newspaper. Read the first few paragraphs of each story and start a discussion. You can make a 15-30 minute discussion out of the front page of any Salisbury Post. Elders have opinions, often strong opinions, so be ready for a spirited discussion. And don't get fooled into the theory that you can't discuss religion and politics. With dignity and respect, you can discuss anything with a new or old friend. There are plenty of other things to talk about. Depending on the time of year, you can talk about the nearest holiday or special event. This time of year, you could ask about March Madness, Easter celebrations, Easter egg hunts, health-care reform compared to the passage of Social Security or civil rights, the start of baseball season and on and on.

Elders that do not respond or do not respond appropriately may appear very challenging, but they don't have to be. Treat them exactly the same way. You may have to do more of the talking, but you never know when you are getting through. At the very least — and this is huge — you are spending time with another person. Both of you will benefit, and equally!If you are uncomfortable going it alone, ask a friend to come along. The more the merrier. If you'd like a list of questions and topics to discuss, e-mail me at tgoins@lsanc.net. I will be happy to send a list to get you started. I also am posting a running list on the LSA Blog. You can see that blog at LutheranServicesfortheAging.blogspot.com. When you do visit, please post your experience on the Salisbury Post blog and the Lutheran Services for the Aging blog. I'd love to learn from you and encourage others to follow your example.

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